"I Think I Like Who I Am Becoming"

I don't say that in a bragging-type-of-way.  I have this saying on my fridge because it is a reminder to me.

A reminder of my purpose in life right now.  Being a mother.  Being a wife.  Being self-less (wellllll...... Trying to be..... Most of the time ;). 

I must admit, I feel pretty dang frumpy most of the time.  I don't have a hairstylist in Arizona that I trust.  My best friend has done my hair for EVER, but sadly, she lives in Utah.  I have been left to coloring my own hair and haven't had it cut since..... Well, a long time (I don't want to reveal just how long it has been..)
I STILL have 5 pounds to lose of baby weight.  And to be honest, I don't know if I will ever lose the rest of it.  But I am coming to realize and be okay with the fact that I will probably never look the way I did when I got married.  Well, as a result a lot of my pants are still a little too tight..... So I don't really wear my normal (some of them cute) clothes.  And right now I feel most comfortable in just baggier clothes.

Anyway.  This is not a complaining session (really?  It sure sounds like it)... What I'm leading up to is this:  If 5 years ago if I were to see myself today, I might have a mini panic attack.  I mean, lets be real, I'm not a sight to see these days.  There are many days where I throw my hair up in a messy bun, and don't even bother with the make-up.  The blood shot eyes is slowly becoming my defining characteristic.  

But I think I like who I'm becoming. 

I like that I'm a mother, and I try to devote most of my time to my kids.  The fact that I don't get ready one morning means that I was busy down on my back on the carpet playing airplane with Roslyn.  If I didn't get my face washed and perfume on that day, it's alright because I was busy running Addi to preschool, where she gets to develop her ever-growing imagination and expand her little mind. 

I think that these are some of the very best days of my life.

I love my little Roz-Boz.  I love to rock her to sleep and sing her songs.  Addi will come in when I'm putting Roz down for bed and sing primary songs with me to get her to sleep.  Sometimes Addi will fall asleep on the floor in Roz's room as we sing.  These are precious times that I will truly miss someday. 

Addi is becoming more mature, well for a 4 year old, that is.  She really helps me out a lot.  At first when Roslyn was born I would ask her to help just to try and include her.  But now, I truly need her help, and sometimes I don't think I could do it without her help.  She is a sassy, fiery little spunky girl.  She has got the rolling her eyes thing down pat.  She can storm out of a room and make you think the world had gone up in flames.  But I love her.  She is a good girl.  She has a strong testimony.  She really feels things.  She is in tune with her emotions and is good at expressing them.  She loves to be held.  Still.  She loves to be loved.

This semester has been SO MUCH easier than the previous 2.  Matt only goes into school twice a week and is home (albeit studying) the rest of the week.  Honestly, I truly thought I was going to go crazy having him home this much.  I have been pleasantly surprised that I love having him here.  I feel blessed, to say the least, to be married to him.  He's such a good person. 
Side Note:  The way we parent is completely different than what I thought it would be.  He's definitely the "fun one" and I'm the "mean one".   In fact, we teach primary and we trade off weeks to teach... Well, one of the girls in our class said to him last week, "How come when you teach its all fun and when Sister Ivers teaches it's all business?"  This is also true for our parenting styles...........
Anyway.......

Where was I going with all of this?

Ah yes.  I am learning that being a mother and wife isn't always glorious.  In fact, to the world, it rarely is.  Some days I want to run away.  Just for a little bit.  Some days I don't think I can handle all the crying from the baby and the whining from a 4 year old.  Some days I want to send Matt off to Tim-Buck-Too.  Some days I just want to lie down and cry. 
And some days I do :) 
And then I feel better and I get up and realize that this is called Motherhood.  It's not always a dream come true, but it's possibly the best thing that God can give us. 

I Love It.

I love my girls.  I love being married to my best friend, as cheesy and mushy as that may sound.  
For whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.  
I remember that scripture from when I was a missionary.  It was kind of the theme of my mission.  I remember how i loved losing myself in His name and by serving Him.
And now I try to remember that as I serve Him by raising His precious daughters. 

I think I like who I am becoming. 

 

Life with Four

I promised my sister that if she updated her blog, I would FINALLY update ours.  Well she got right on it (which I didn't expect) so now its my turn.... Oi, where to start huh?

This summer was so low key and laid back, which I loved.  Matt had an externship for a lawyer in our ward that he completed with one of his buddies from school, who is also in our ward.  The externship was so ideal.  Matt was able to work from his laptop from home and put in his hours whenever he wanted.  This was kind of an answer to prayers since I had just had a baby and lets be honest.... It was a harder adjustment than I had anticipated. :)  I don't know why I didn't really think about how different it would be to have another child, I guess I was just so overwhelmed with excitement that I overlooked the adjustments.  But, needless to say, Roslyn has been and continues to be a joyful addition to our family.  She makes me laugh and smile so many times a day.  But more about her later.

So our summer was great.  We went to Utah for 2 and a half weeks and had a ball.
Family, boating, BBQ's, game nights, roasting hot dogs, sleeping in, etc etc etc
ALSO.........

My sister finished her mission and came home!  It was AWESOME to see her again and give her lots and lots of hugs.  I'm so proud of her!

I also got to meet up with some friends I haven't seen in a while.  I got together with some of my highschool friends (no pics, sorry!) and then some friends from hair school.  I hadn't seen Carlee in forever since she was living in PA for a few years.  Love all of my friends.





Addi started Preschool on August 8th with Miss Jenny.  She LOVES it!  This year it is only twice a week for 2.5 hours, but it's a lot closer than the one last  year and it's a smaller group.  She gets excited to go every time.  While she goes to preschool I get to go to the gym and take Roz to the childcare.  Roslyn is an angel every time she goes and all of the workers love watching her.  

 

 I love this pic of Matt and the girls.  We have been really happy together as a family.  Sometimes it's hard living away from everyone, but I think about how close we have grown as a family and I'm grateful for it.  We rely on each other for everything and have become best friends, all of us. 

At the beginning of August we moved into a house.  It's still in our ward and only about a mile away from where we were living.  It just kind of fell into our laps.  A family in our ward moved back to Utah and it came up at the end of July.  Surprisingly it is about the same price we were paying in our little apartment and this house is newly remodeled, and is probably 3 Xs as big.  It was a pain to move in the 115 degree weather, but we feel SO blessed to have found this gem.  

My mom and sister went to California to visit my sisters mission and they stopped in AZ to visit us for a few days on the way back.  Aaaaaannnnndddd it just happened to be on my birthday! :)  Classic mom present, she always has to give me a book for one of my gifts :0)  Love it.

 Roslyn is now 3 and a half months old!  Where has the time gone?  I feel like once babies hit 3 months they are just different babies.  They are more alert and interactive and smiley.  Love the newborn phase, but I love this phase, too.  She is a really happy baby (For the most part ;))  I've been trying to get her on a routine, which has been difficult.  I had pneumonia a couple weeks ago..... which, so WEIRD, right?  How do I catch pneumonia in the summer in Arizona???????? 
So I was getting her on this schedule and I got really sick.  I was so out of it for a few days and Matt was doing all the kid watching and was falling behind in school.  His parents were so nice to come down and help out for a few days.  Thank goodness for amazing parents and in-laws. 
Now I'm back to trying to get her on a routine again.  So far..... Well, let's just say I'm struggling!  HAHA.  I've got her down to this sort of routine:
Wakes up around 7 am and I feed her.  THen we have awake/play time til about 9.  She naps for 45 mins-ish and then I feed her.  Then we try to repeat the whole process of Play/Awake time, Nap, and Feeding.  I'm trying to do the feedings separate from naps this time around.  I do feel good about her bedtime routine.  Addi helps me bathe her around 7 pm.  We lotion her, change her diaper, put jammies on and then we all read scriptures.  Then I feed her a big bottle while I rock her and sing to her.  She usually falls asleep in my arms, which I know I'm not supposed to do!  But I have to admit I love it.  I love rocking my babies and I decided I'm just going to do it until she's a little bit older.  I'm going to enjoy it while I can, and not worry about what books say are "taboo".  I'm slowly learning to just go with what I feel is best.  Sometimes that means you have to throw some of what the books say out the window. 
Addi has learned to really love Roslyn and I think it's safe to say they are friends!  Sometimes Addi is the only one who can make Roz laugh.  She is always so good to bounce her in her bouncer or talk to her when I'm trying to cook or clean.  She is a great big sister. 

Last night we were driving home from $cottsdale (about 35 min away) and I was sandwiched in the back of the car, like I usually do since Roz hates riding in the car, and I had Addi on one side screaming and kicking, and Roz on the other side just screaming her head off.  Matt and I just busted up laughing for some reason.  Life is definitely hectic with two emotional little girls, and sometimes you just have to laugh at it...... or you will cry.  HAHA  I love our family of four and we really are happy.  :)

 

My Little Little

i love this little little.  she's so much fun and a really good baby.  she is a pretty great sleeper.  she usually goes to bed around 9 or 10 and wakes up to eat at 3 and 6:30.  i cannot complain one bit!  she hates HATES her carseat.  she screams the second we put her in it.  she loves her binky.  she can sleep through anything.  she is a great eater and is getting a cute chubby face :).  she is a pooper!  She constantly has a poopy diaper.  She is the sweetest thing. 


She is always putting her hands up in the air like, "what the heck?"

i love how innocent babies are.  Sometimes i look at her and think she's too good for this rotten world.  When she cries I think to myself, maybe she just really misses heaven and Heavenly Father; she must be so homesick for them.  She has taught me so much, I feel like she was sent to teach me, not the other way around.  I love just staring at her; watching her and wondering what she's thinking.  i love to snuggle her.  i love how dependent she is on me; how she needs me for everything.  i love being a mother. 

And I cannot forget my other little gal.  Addi finished her first round of swimming lessons and now she is in round 2.  She has come to love them.  We got her some goggles today to use when she goes under water.  She had a great teacher the first round and I think her teacher now is pretty awesome, too.  I'm proud of her for how far she has come with swimming.  she can now swim to the side herself and pull herself up out of the pool.  She can also go under water (for 3 seconds) if she has to (she doesn't enjoy that part so much).  Our summer has started off to a pretty great start.  We are looking forward to visiting Utah in a few weeks to see wonderful family and get outa the freakin sweaty hot weather.  

Roslyn Belle is here!

Last Tuesday I was induced (6 days early) at 7:30 a.m.  My contractions were slow and not progressing very fastly.  My Dr. came in around 3:30 and broke my water (holy heck that KILLS!) and after that it went pretty fast.  My contractions got really bad to the point that I could NOT stand the pain anymore so around 5 ish I asked for the epidural.  When I got the epidural I was at a 5, and about 15 minutes later I felt the urge to push so I called my nurse in to check me and I was ready to go!  There was no cervix left and she could feel the head!  So everyone rushed in and I pushed for about 15 minutes and she was here!  I have to say I love the whole labor part.  It's so exciting to me and I love the adrenaline.  I think it's also a really spiritual experience (as long as you don't feel any pain, that is :)  I got to hold her right when she came out and snuggle her against me.  I really enjoyed doing this, since I wasn't able to with Addi.  I noticed that my DR's were having a hard time stitching me back up and they looked pretty concerned.  I lost a liter of blood and they couldn't contain it so I had to immediately go into surgery for a D&C.  Matt was really nervous but luckily everything went well and I did not have to have a blood transfusion like they had thought.  I was so glad that the baby was ok.  That was definitely something I was worried about, because of what happened to Adds. 
I was only going to stay at the hospital that one night, I was really anxious to get home.  But somehow these hospitals always want to milk you for all your worth (or your money) and they said Roslyn had a low case of Jaundice (which I still think we could've gone home and been fine) so they wanted to keep her another night.  I was in TEARS!! I hate staying at those stinkin hopsitals!  Anyway we were able to come home the next morning and i was ecstatic about it! 
It has been really different having two little ones at home-- definitely an adjustment.  I have been thankful COUNTLESS times that Matt is done with school and doesn't start his externiship for a couple of weeks still.  What in the heck would i do without him?  My mom flew in for the birth, but had to get back for my brother flying in from DC and my littlest brother leaving to France on his mission.  Thankfully she and my dad are flying in tomorrow night to stay and help for a week.  I am SO extremely grateful that my parents will come out and help me whenever I need it, they are so caring and always want to be here for us.  Matt has been seriously great; cleaning the house, organizing, giving Addi limitless attention, sometimes even getting up with the baby in the night.  I have grown so close to him this year as we've been on our own, he has been a big strength to me. 
Here are some pictures, I can't guarantee they are in order (I don't have the time to organize them right now).

So That's Miss Roslyn for ya!  She is perfect.  beautiful.  calm.

OH BABY!

I have exactly four weeks left.  That is until my due date.  I am praying and hoping and wishing that this lil gal decides to join our fam sooner.  Actually I've just been praying that she will come when the time is right and I can be ok with whatever time that is.  Gosh- I hate to be a complainer but this pregnancy has been insane.  So completely different from the first.  This babe is so low that I hardly ever feel her move above my belly button.  My back hurts.  My stomach hurts.  I am literally EXHAUSTED after just cleaning the bathrooms.  BLAH BLAH BLAH. 
BUT............................................
I AM SO ECSTATIC TO HAVE ANOTHER GIRL!
It has hit me the past few days that she is coming and we're going to have a newborn in our home!  I get to love her and snuggle her and bathe and lotion her down, mmmm I can smell her now! 
I'm excited to see how Addi is around her (and maybe a little scared? ha) She will be an awesome big sis, it might just take a little time. 
So next time I post it will be after the baby is HERE!!!

Lovers Day & Zoo Time

Valentines Day this year was surprisingly really fun! Matt had school all day until 6:30 so I was trying to keep busy making Cupcakes and preparing a nice dinner for us when he got home. I was kind of lonely and it seemed like everyone had plans so I was a little bummed, but I didn't say anything to Matt because I'm always afraid of distracting him while he's studying. We were talking on the phone around lunch time and all of the sudden I hear the front door opening and in he walks! I was honestly so happy and it made my entire day! He told me on the way to school he just kept feeling like he should come home early and spend the day with Addi and I. We drove out to AJ and took cupcakes to some of my friends and people I haven't seen since my mission. It was a lot of fun to visit them and introduce them to Matt. Then we headed to the mall and walked around and just enjoyed our time together. He bought me the cutest dress for my maternity pictures. We came home to my yummy ribs in the crockpot and I made him sit down and relax while I fixed the rest of the meal.
How in the heck did we ever survive without Pinterest? Seriously, I get most of my meal ideas from there now.
So this was called "Bubbly Love Potion" and it was dang freakin good!
Then I made ribs, garlic broccoli, cheesy bread, twice baked potatoes and we had triple chocolate cheesecake. yeah, that dinner was a huge step for me, considering I hardly cook :)




Today Addi and I went to the Zoo with our great friends, the Waskiewicz's. They are some of the best friends we have down here and we just love them.
So the Zoo here is pretty dang big. One part of it that we really love is the Farm Land. They have a little people play area that the kids played at for almost an hour, and they have a spot where you can play on the John Deere tractors, and milk a (fake) cow. Addi's favorite part is petting the goats.
And Oh. My. Goodness. The goats were kind of creepin me out. They are seriously so loud and they come right up to you and try to eat your jacket or papers.
This is Stephany and Bryce. Bryce is 5 but he and Addi really get along. Addi has also recently fallen in love with Stephany. We'll have to snatch her up to babysit one of these days.
This below is the little people playground.
These are the goats right before they stampeded out and almost knocked Addi over!

We had an awesome day and are grateful for such good friends!

Fun at the "Lake"

Before Matt starts the craziness tomorrow, we decided to take advantage of our time together and the really nice weather.
I kind of can't believe how nice it has been here. I mean, I remember the winters being nice, but it has been almost 80 all week. I really enjoy it, but at the same time I think it's so bizarre.
Anyway, right by our house is this really nice community called The Islands. They are beautiful homes that surround a man-made lake. We went for a walk by this lake the other day and had a ton of fun.





One of these days I will have to take Addi to this lake and feed the ducks. There were SO MANY ducks there!
Well... Matt starts school tomorrow. Here we go again I guess?
I have mixed feelings.
I'm glad to be starting to get the first week over with (it's always the worst), but I'm dreading it, too. Not for me, but for him. I feel so bad for him, seriously I would never choose to go to law school in a million years. It really is as bad as they say. BUT...
I decided for 2012 to have a positive outlook. I have started changing the way I think about things. It has not been easy. But I want to be more happy. I noticed last semester I started getting negative and it made me unhappy. It's so easy to get negative and complain when things don't go your way.
So here's to a new outlook and a happier life.
I've tried really hard to be optimistic this past week and it has honestly made me a happier person and I have more patience with Addi, and I find myself just wanting to serve Matt and do anything to make him happy.
I am liking this new outlook already.

It's A...

Girl!
Another one, and I am so surprised and feel overwhelming love for her!
I always thought I would have another girl after Addi. I even made a baby girl rag quilt last summer for her, even though I wasn't even pregnant at the time. I just thought I knew it would be a girl after Addi.
Then I got pregnant and had such a different pregnancy that I thought it must be a boy. And everytime we asked Addi what it was she would say boy. Every. Single. Time. So I thought, huh- She must be right. Why would she say boy every time? So I guess I kind of convinced myself that it was a boy. We even had a name picked out!
But then the last couple days I started having a feeling that it could be a girl. And my mom guessed girl, which shocked me, and my sister even had a dream it was a girl.
I told the ultrasound tech to check again and again... Just to be sure (she thought I was Ca-Razy!) And I'm almost 23 weeks along, so there's no mistaking it really.
So..... YAHOO!!! She's healthy and everything looks great, which is always a huge relief.
How great will it be to have two little girls? Okay they probably won't be best friends at first... but maybe in 20 years?
I am a blessed woman.

Holidays 2011

We've been in Utah for almost 6 weeks! Matt had a 2 month break before next semester so we decided what the hay? We wanted snow so bad, and we've had maybe 2 snow days. Boo! But we have had a TON of fun since we've been here. I've done a lot of hair for old clients and family and I forgot how much i LOVE to do hair. I can't wait to have my own Salon someday. I've been blessed to spend some time with great friends here, too. And Family... I love my family. I can honestly say this year I did not care one bit what i got for Christmas. I was just so happy to be surrounded by family. It was seriously great. We stayed for a few weeks at my parents and now we're staying at the in-laws. It's so nice to not have to worry about cooking dinner or grocery shopping or whatever! With all the stress we both had last semester, it was definitely a needed break! I feel a little bit more ready to go back to Arizona now. I feel rejuvenated! I hope Matt does, too :)
I have been getting so excited to have this baby! The first 20ish weeks just plain sucked. Now that I'm further along I can feel baby move and I actually feel pregnant, not just fluffy and chubby. And we're all three excited to find out what we'll be having in a few weeks. I can't wait to get everything ready and shop for the little bug!
My baby brother, Nate, got his mission call last week to the France, Lyon mission. From what people say it's a hard mission but he is one of the hardest workers I know so I know he'll do great. He's already taking a French class at BYU this semester and his new roommate just got back from that same mission so he's been talking to my brother about what to expect etc. Today he is going through the temple and I'm so excited for him. After he goes through today, every one of my family members will have gone through the temple. There are so many wonderful blessings there.
About a week ago we headed up to Temple Square with my parents, my sister and her baby to look around the Visitor's Centers and eat at the Lion House. Addi has loved playing with her cousins, and she loves to be a mom to Nixon.
My mom, Sister, and I also went to Gardner Village before Christmas to eat, shop, and play- well, it was really too cold to play, so we just ate a lot and shopped a lot.

Our Christmas parties are always a bunch of fun, and we had a lot of them this year.


Here's just a couple pics of Christmas morning at my parents.
Addi has been saying since October that she wanted a Barbie Cash Register. How easy is that? I love shopping for little kids cuz they just don't want a lot! She was happy with this one gift.
After visiting Lexie's house and playing dress-ups for hours on end, I decided to get her some dress-ups, and boy am I glad I did. She wears them everyday.
See, she couldn't even wait till she was done with her presents to try them on.
I know, I look hot. What can I say, mornings are my prime.
Hope everyone had a spectacular Holiday Season!