I am in desperate need of advice and support. Normally I rock Addi to sleep for her naps and bedtime. Lately, it has taken 45 minutes to an hour to get her to sleep in my arms. I've heard from many people to just put her in her crib and let her cry til she goes to sleep. So I've been trying it and I hate it! It is the hardest thing! I go and check on her after 5 minutes and then I go in every 10-15 minutes after that. I thought maybe she'd cry for 20 minutes max. Today for naptime she cried for an hour. And the only reason she stopped after an hour is because I went in and calmed her down and rubbed her back till she fell asleep. I feel like a horrible mom. She looks at me with the reddest, saddest eyes like I have betrayed her. I am going to cave in one of these times and give in, I swear! Am I doing the right thing? I don't want to rock her for an hour and I know that she has to learn to go to sleep on her own, anyway. But her bloody-murder screaming is pulling hard on my heart strings! I got tears in my eyes today. I don't want her to think I am betraying her or leaving her or don't love her. Is it healthy that she screams for such a long period of time? What should I do? Please, any advice is so appreciated.
8 comments:
It will take probably a bunch of times for her to learn that she has to go to sleep on her own. I think what you did was good, next time just go in and rub her back for a minute or so and tell her you love her and it is time for bed then leave the room, trust me it is worth it, I had to rock Brandon to sleep and finally I decided I was going to let him cry and have him learn to go to sleep on his own, it broke my heart but after 5 days of doing it for naps and bedtime I would lay him down say time for bed read him a book then he fell asleep on his own. also if she is not sleeping through the night if you let her go to sleep on her own she will sleep better at night because when she wakes up during the night she will learn to go back to sleep without needing you!! GOOD LUCK!!!
She is adorable!
Also I need to call you to get Bailey's hair trimmed! I will give you a call.
oh Tara... I totally know the feeling. I did the same with my first(rocked her to sleep) and with my second I did the opposite and put him in his bed at a certain time for nap and bedtime and he lays down and goes right to sleep. I had to for my sanity:) It did take a few days and yes you cry right along with them but it gets better. keep your head up and I think you are doing the right thing!!!
ok so I'm kinda retarded but I let Presley cry herself to sleep for naps and bed time starting from when she was a month old. She is my BEST sleeper never wakes up she started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old!! My other two are a completely different story I didn't have much help after having babies so with Sam and Dylann and I didn't care how they got to sleep just as long as they slept so I could get other things done and get sleep myself!! and they of course are the worst sleepers ever Dylann comes in our bed almost every night!! So I would suggest to let her cry to sleep I know it's hard and makes you feel horrible but I promise it will be SO worth it!!!!It won't happen over night obviously but don't give in there are alot of books out there about getting your babies to sleep on their own you could always look into those as well good luck we have all been there before and you are a GREAT mom I promise!!!!
it is definitely so hard to listen to them cry! when i had to do that with my older 2 i would let them cry for 20 min with out going in and if they were showing no signs of calming down when the time was up then i would go in and hold them or rock them for a bit then try again. most of the time at 20 min they were to the whining stage and would be asleep within like 5 min. but you have to do what works for you too. if YOU can't make it the 20 min then thats ok too :) its hard but it usually only takes a few days and they start getting used to the new routine. and i totally got teary too having to hear them cry and wondering if they were feeling all abandoned! i hope it gets better soon and you will be so glad that you did!
Everyone else is right: It only takes a few days before it kicks in AND it is totally worth it.
If going cold turkey is too hard for you and her try weaning her into it. Rather than rocking her completly to sleep, rock her until she is drowsy then lay her down and rub her back until she is calm/asleep. After a few days of that just rock her for a couple minutes then lay her down and rub her back for a few minutes then leave. Slowly decrease the amount of time/touch needed to get her to sleep. Before long you can get her to bed in a matter of minutes with no crying. This method takes longer than cold turkey crying, but is easier on your heart. I've done it both ways. Both of my boys are excellent sleepers.
It takes a while for them to learn. Which is really hard on both of you. She really doesn't hate you or resent you, I promise. I always put soft calming music in my baby's rooms to help them calm down. And so that when they hear the music they know that its bedtime. Vika has been going to bed on her own for a really long time now and still she has days where she screams for an hour before she falls asleep. Addi is totally normal on that one. Just try to be calm and try not to focus on her crying, distract yourself. It will get easier I promise, its just going to take some time!!
Call if you need more support, I will gladly try to calm you down.
It sounds like you've had great advice and I did the same thing and it totally works and is so worth it! The earlier you do it the better! Connor was older when I started and I had to just sit in his room while he cried until went to sleep then slowly would start leaving earlier but Kayden started earlier like 9 months and he cried for the first few days and still some but he knows now that he's not leaving so he gives in. It is so wonderful!!
It is hard but for sanity I had too. I have noticed with my kids that if I keep going in there, it makes it worse for them. Unless the crying is totally crazy I don't go in there because it drags it out! Every kid to their own. There was an article in Parents magazine with same situation and thats what helped me. It's truly the only way to help them to help themselves by going to sleep.
In a week at most you'll be relaxin while baby goes to sleep by herself. Good luck and know that lots have been there and it does suck. It's alot harder for mom than it is for dad.
Believe me it will end and will be the best thing you ever did!!!
I did the same thing with Jett. It's still hard to this day for me to get him to sleep on his own and he's 3. With Bryton I didn't rock him from the beginning, I let him cry it out so young, he always has slept in his bed, it's HEAVEN! SO my advice is just do it differently with your 2nd kid. ha ha ha ha. I still love rocking JEtt to sleep sometimes, he's 3!! I really need to give it up. ha ha
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